Doesn’t today feel a little bit like a slap in the face? It kind of reminds me of scenes from the movies where only one rescue dog was left in the shelter on Christmas Eve and the rest were adopted. Or like Valentine’s Day when everyone is showing off their beautiful flowers and gifts from their partners, and you are VERY single and soaking it all in *Cues violins*. I’m being funny (but not) and trying to call out the obvious. Mother’s Day is a bit tough for those of us who will not be celebrating with our moms. Whether that be because they have died or you have an estranged relationship with her. Either way, I’m so sorry that this specific loss has occurred in your life and I’m sorry if you’re having a difficult time today, Mother’s Day.
I’m in the same boat. I lost my mom 11 years ago now and every year brings about this slight feeling of jealousy and fomo (fear of missing out). But not the kind where I just wish she was here and I’m mourning her death. It’s wishing that I could post videos and photos with her at brunch like how I see all over my social media timelines. It’s a parade really. Humans are naturally prideful so on Mother’s Day, we like to show off the women that matter most to us. I always think that it’s really annoying that my mom died right before Facebook and Instagram became important to me. Because then I would’ve taken so much more photos of us together. I barely have any and recycle the same ones year after year. But I digress. I’m allowed to feel this way because this loss is personal to me. And you’re allowed to feel however you’re feeling too. Yay us. As long as you’re not harming others by way of your words and actions, you get to own your truth.
I don’t usually stay in a funk because although I’m missing my mom, I choose to focus on all of the other amazing women in my life that I get to celebrate. My grandmothers, sisters, aunts, cousins, friends and mentors. So every year I still get all dressed up and go to church and a fancy brunch, and post the best photos on my timeline. I don’t want to miss the opportunity to capture the moments of today because I’m focused on mourning the past. I want to continue to celebrate my mom now and beautifully weave my memories of her with my present reality. My life is ever evolving so I’ll just bring my mama along for the ride.
I want to continue to celebrate my mom now and beautifully weave my memories of her with my present reality.Alexis Bean, Big Girl Panties
At the time of this post, my Mother’s Day celebration is a bit different. We’re currently in a pandemic so a large gathering for church and brunch is out of the question. But my heart and intent for the day remains the same. My thoughts are going to the moms in my community that I want to celebrate. My heart is with my mom and maternal grandmother who are no longer here in the physical. I love them all. I’ll be meditating on what my mom and the other important women in my life mean to me in order to celebrate this year. And I’m pretty secure with doing just that.For you, today may just be a day where you stick to yourself. However you decide to spend the day is your choice and you get to own it. I just hope that in all of your emotions, you are able to find peace. That’s my prayer for us all.
Are you at a place where you want that too? Ask yourself this question and contemplate where you are in your grieving process. You see, I can speak so freely about how I like to view Mother’s Day because I have grieved. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart and have felt the sadness of losing the most important person in my life. But I also know healing. Of course I still get sad on some occasions, but I have this greater peace within me now. When I think of my mom I don’t immediately think of sadness and tears. I think of love. Memories of her warm my heart and aren’t overshadowed by loss. And annual events like Mother’s Day are opportunities to honour her while I choose to celebrate the other Moms around me.
If you don’t have this yet, then that’s okay. There’s no set timeline for this. Be at your own pace. But if you wish to have peace, I encourage you to reach out for some help. Go and visit with a counselor or therapist, or meet with a grief group in your area. If you are living in Bermuda, feel free to send me a message here and I can share my offerings for Grief Recovery.
Stay well my friends and Happy Mother’s Day!
I’ll be spending today honouring my mom. May she continue to Live in Peace.