Hey friend,

You’re here because you’ve experienced some form of loss in your life before. Have you ever felt like your life is engulfed by this loss? Or feelings of lack perhaps? We’ve become very much aware of the importance of healing in order for us to continue to grow, evolve, and move on with our lives. Sometimes I feel like my whole world revolves around the death of my mom. My whole world revolves around my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis. I mean come on, I created BGP because of those things. I’m sharing my latest ‘brain dump’ of how I move through these emotions. Below is a very real journal entry of mine letting out my feelings. I want to share to be transparent, but also because I know this isn’t going to be the last time I feel this way. I hope you can benefit for what it’s worth.

This post is coming out of left field. I’m not even sure if I’m going to post this or allow myself to just release my thoughts privately and move on. But what am I even doing with my life? Why is Big Girl Panties a thing? What are my interests in my spare time?! I literally work all day and then fill my extra available time with a project dedicated to grief and wellness because of terrible things that I experienced in my late teens and twenties! Like how tragic is that??? I know I’m interested in other things. I feel like I must neglect them then. 

I promise I was a fun person before my mom died. I swear I enjoy more things than finding paleo friendly recipes and stretching *yawn* (but no offence to people who like those things!). 

Who am I outside of my circumstances? Who am I outside of my losses and subsequent journey of healing? 

Well, I’m Alexis. Or Lexy. Or Lex. Or your majesty (whatever you want to go with). I enjoy writing. I always have. It’s where I feel most like myself. You should see me right now, the words are just flowing. And that’s because I’m not really saying anything profound. I’m just writing out my thoughts as they come. I enjoy seeing new places. New countries. New landscapes. Who knew but I think I enjoy hiking (maybe?). I love seeing breathtaking views out in the mountains or somewhere like that. I always enjoyed running. I don’t like getting tired (duh of course not, who does?…crazy people). I enjoy eating good food. I also kind of enjoy cooking. But mostly just eating. Trying new restaurants. My diet is fairly restrictive these days though because gluten is not my friend. And neither is dairy apparently. Or nightshade vegetables. Okay let me get off of food. This is getting depressing. 

I enjoy reading. But I tend to always read about self-help books. As if that’s the only thing worthwhile out there in the world. Eww how lame. I enjoy…talking with my friends. Is that a hobby? Or is that just a generic add-on in life? That can’t be something you put on your resume…enjoys mingling with friends kk you’re hired! 

I enjoy podcasting…and speaking. But I talk about grief and helping people. I can’t escape it. Even in this post I know for a fact that I’m going to find a way to circle back and pull out an inspiring takeaway for anyone that bothers to read this. Or at least for myself. 

What are my interests? What do I genuinely enjoy? And that’s outside of my losses. Outside of my life lessons. Outside of my purpose. Outside of my “calling”. 

I enjoy planning things. I just remembered I wanted to organize some information to send to my dad but instead I’m writing this. But is that an interest or is that a result of my need to control things because I’ve experienced great loss? 

I’m going to wrap up this extended brain dump to ask you the same question. 

Who are you outside of your losses? Do you take the time to enjoy those things in your spare time? 

It’s important. I don’t have all the answers but I know it’s important. 

Talk to you soon. I’m about to go mingle with friends.

Be well.